


Cruel Fairytales

by katalizi



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hot Potato Soup, LMD, Philinda - Freeform, Tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:18:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9603647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katalizi/pseuds/katalizi
Summary: He was getting everything he'd ever wanted. That should've been enough of a warning.





	

_He switched you, didn’t he? How long have you been …?_

 

But he didn’t need her to answer that. Not really. In an instant he knew. God, he was such a fool. Such a selfish, love-sick fool. 

His mind raced back over all those small moments that they’d ever shared; a look that lingered too long, a touch that was hesitant to leave, a small, knowing smile that they exchanged in a room full of people, yet their eyes only saw each other. How in the last week those little moments had become overt, a mistaken hand on the arm became a purposeful movement, a knowing smile had finally translated into words. And he was so stupid, so utterly lost in his own damned feelings of elation, at the joy of he and Melinda finally,  _finally_ , taking that longed for step forward that he never stopped to think, never even considered that this was so horribly unlike her.

 

_Alright, what’s up?_

_You tell me._

_You’re talking. More than ever._

_Because you’re not._

 

Melinda May doesn’t talk, never had much need for it. If it takes an average person twenty words to get their point across, May can do it with a single look. He should’ve known, should’ve realised that May’s chattiness over the past week - month? - obviously wasn’t her. Not really. Just some code written by a cruel madman, who had obviously been cunning enough to spot something in Coulson that he’d spent decades keeping hidden. They’d always been close, but they had their boundaries for a reason and he should’ve known that May wouldn’t have suddenly decided to cross that boundary, just because of yet another close call.

 

_You’re not allowed to be gone. Not yet._

 

Was it even her that said that? Or the LMD, who’d been designed to get close to him? He still remembered that jolt of fear and wonderment and hope as he’d heard Melinda talking to him when she’d been unaware that he was right next to her, trapped in that rapidly darkening other world. She’d mentioned that bottle of Haig and his mind had gone back to that dark, wet night, both of them bleeding, hurting, yet still brimming with the satisfaction of having pulled off a near impossible mission. How close they’d come to each other in that bland hotel room, how he’d seen ever drop of water that still clung to her hair, how he could feel her breath on his skin …

… how he had pulled away, chin low, hand on the back of his neck as he muttered something about professional boundaries. How she had folded in on herself, stiff, sad, accepting. How he had halfheartedly offered to share a drink with her from that stupidly expensive bottle they both managed to wrangle from Fury, a reward for a job well done. And she had refused.

“Maybe, some day,” she’d said softly. “If we ever have a worse mission … then maybe we should try this again.”

At the time he’d laughed at the idea of them possibly facing a worse mission.

 

_Me and May? No. It’s not like that._

 

And it really wasn’t, just not quite in the way he’d implied. Phil didn’t need to get to know her, not anymore. He knew her. For the last thirty years he’d been with her more often than not. And he loved her. He’d probably loved her longer than anyone else in his life. Yet, even then, it’d taken him years to fully admit to himself how much he loved her. After all, distance, boundaries, that was all his decision. So it was never his place to be jealous, and he wasn’t, not of her and Andrew (although he would never consider his early arrivals to their home as a way of spending more time with her outside of work — he was just punctual) or her other relationships (but he never really liked the idea of her and Ward, even before the whole Hydra thing — it was just that she was too good for Ward). He told himself he loved her like a friend.

And then she’d left.

 

 _May took off on vacation and never came back. So I lost my right hand, too_.

 

Looking back, it was probably her short retirement that finally cracked something deep inside him, making him truly look at his own feelings for the first time. That made him realise that ‘friendship’ really wasn’t the correct word to describe what he felt for her. But he was still loathed to act on that, not when she still had things to work out with Andrew. Not when it was obviously one sided.

Something had changed between them, he was certain, but that change didn’t seem to be either good nor bad. A shift, an imbalance. A dance that somehow had become one step out of time. They pulled close, they pulled away. Phil looked for and found comfort with Rosalind for a brief moment, before she - and Andrew - were brutally torn away from them both.

 

_That should be you up there._

_No. I’m right where I belong._

 

After Daisy left and SHIELD was reborn again, they would go weeks without seeing each other. Was it his own self-centred imagination that made he believe that May might’ve missed him? Or was there something really there this time? Now he was back to being a regular agent, a company man, he felt like he and May were now back on much more even, familiar grounds. In some ways their relationship seemed to reset even so much so that, the first time he’d returned from a four week mission, she had invited him to train with her. At first he’d laughed - they hadn’t done that since the Academy - before he’d caught that look in her eye and realised that she was absolutely serious. She wanted to train, with him specifically … just like the old days. They’d met at six in the morning, spared, he talked breathlessly between punches and she’d used his distraction well to her advantage. When they’d finished he couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer and jokingly asked her if this was because she thought he was too out of shape to be a field agent anymore. And her answer had stunned him into silence.

“No,” she said, pausing to take a sip of water, eyes averted. “It’s because I miss you.”

He’d thought he’d be devastated at loosing the position of director, but if this was what he got in exchange then he was sorry he didn’t do it sooner.

 

_It’ll be good to see Fitz and Simmons._

_And May._

_Yeah … I think you look forward to that more than I do._

 

Mack, Yoyo, Daisy … they had all made suggestive comments about him and May ranging from Mack’s sly smiles, Daisy’s questions about their pasts and Yoyo’s overt, smart-ass statements. And he’d deflected, avoided, shrugged it off, never once mentioning any of this to May. Now he felt stupid, reckless. If his team could see that his feelings for May might’ve gone beyond mere friendship then it shouldn’t surprise him that others would see it too. That they might take advantage of it. Every time he thought of how that replica played his emotions, how it carefully gave him every little scrap of attention that he’d always craved from her, he hated himself even more. He was so wrapped up in his own desires that he’d never even stopped to think … now Melinda was missing, lost to the world or possibly, even …

No. He couldn’t even think it. Surely the universe wouldn’t be that cruel? To have her survive one near death experience ( _It was a death experience - I’m over it_.) only to have another twist of fate come along so soon?

 

_Do you want to know what I saw, Phil?_

_Yeah._

_I saw you. Don’t let it go to your head._

 

There. If he were to pinpoint when he should’ve begun to suspect that something was wrong, it was that moment. She had died and while Simmons had brought her back, she hadn’t been with her the whole time. May had been alone with Radcliffe and his personal robot-aid for days and with May in a weakened state and Radcliffe already in possession of her brain scans, it would’ve been the perfect time to swap the real thing for a fake. The idea that she would’ve seen him as she lay dying,  _him_ , was beyond laughable. It was simply impossible. His own death had led him to a deep interest in the subject and from all his readings the common theme he’d found was that people tended to see something that gave them a profound sense of peace — a beautiful garden, a calm ocean, loved ones long gone. Why on earth would she have seen him? He had been there at some of the most painful moments of her life … he had caused her pain with his orders, his callousness. He should’ve known from then that it wasn’t the real May. Just some fairytale that tricked him in the cruelest way possible.

 

_Where’s the real May?_

_I am the real May! Her thoughts, her memories … her desires … that’s all real._

 

But he was already shaking his head.  _No_ , a soft voice chanted, cutting through the numbness as he stared this replica in the face.  _No, it’s not real. None of it. Her desires? Why would a robot speak of May’s desires? That she could somehow_ desire _you?_  He could still taste her.  _Maybe twenty years ago, but not now. Not after everything._  He could still feel how soft and silky her hair had been, slipping though his fingers.  _False fingers on a false hand. Not real. None of this was real._

“May would never betray me.”

And suddenly he saw the LMD for what it truly was. It’s face hardened, finger tightening on the trigger. “Radcliffe made some adjustments.”

He knew if Daisy hadn’t shown when she did, he would now be dead. He guessed its desires only went so far. 

But he couldn’t destroy it. Not yet.

 

_Radcliffe took something from me. Her name is Melinda May, and she means everything to me._

 

Saying it out loud wasn’t nearly as terrifying as he’d imagined it. Because this wasn’t about him; it should never have been about him. This wasn’t a declaration of love — it was a warning of what that love could do. He would find Melinda, he would bring her home, and he was absolutely destroy any and all who did this to her.


End file.
